


15x18 CODA: The one thing I want

by rain_fa3ri3



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Coda, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Is Real, Destiel is canon, HOLY FUCKING HALLELUJAH, I Am Sorry, IT ALREADY WAS BUT NOW PEOPLE CAN'T DENY IT, M/M, So so so much angst, Supernatural - Freeform, anyway, as of today, but I am EMOTIONAL, have some angsty dean, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:47:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27412972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rain_fa3ri3/pseuds/rain_fa3ri3
Summary: Destiel went canon tonight, so here's a little coda before I go to bed--Dean's thoughts on Castiel's "I love you"
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 123





	15x18 CODA: The one thing I want

_...because the one thing I want...it’s something I know I can’t have… _

Dean sits with his head in his hands, heart screaming in his ears.

_...I know how you see yourself, Dean...I know how you see yourself…but everything you have ever done, the good, and the bad, you have done for love… _

The bloody handprint weighs against his shoulder, almost with a pulse of its own.

_...you know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared...I cared about the whole world, because of you… _

Sam’s calling, but Dean lets it ring. It doesn’t matter.

_...I love you...I love you...I love you… _

Dean’s breath hitches, and he tears his hands through his hair, slamming his fists to the floor and head back against the wall. Tears stream down his face as he sees Castiel in his last moments on the back of his eyelids, looking at him with pure admiration, saying  _ I love you… _

“ _ FUCK _ !” Dean yells, then grinds his teeth so hard he’s surprised there aren’t tooth shavings in his mouth. He cries for what could be hours or years. Sam calls a few more times, then the phone stops ringing. “Goddamnit, Cas,” Dean whispers, eyes red and puffy, nose running, cheeks covered in tear tracks. 

He opens his eyes and sniffs, runs a hand roughly under his eyes, then braces himself and looks at last to his left shoulder. Dean stifles a sob at the sight, a mimic of that first brand Cas had left on him all those years ago. He raises a shaking hand up, up, up, and gently brushes the mark. The blood is dry. 

Dean takes a shaky breath, then clinches his eyes, bows his head, sending a prayer he knows won’t be heard, that he knows is eleven years too late…

_ I love you too, Castiel _ .

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think, and maybe check out my other works?


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